talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
