I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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