he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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