your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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