I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
