just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
