There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
