Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
