found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
