You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
