PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
