Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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