I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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