there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
