Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
