I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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