i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
