All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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