Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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