New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
