I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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