Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
