i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you had me at cake vodka
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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