i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
