check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
