what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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