I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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