She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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