we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
