Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
