Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
did you just send me my own nude
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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