Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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