I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
