if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
