why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
