You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
