the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
