I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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