Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
