I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
