JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
