"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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