At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
