Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
