I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They have beer where we have blood.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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