sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
