omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
