I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
