Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
