i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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