i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
