weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
