I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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