WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
