Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
