I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
