You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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