there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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